Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
Some Questions You Might Have About Couples Therapy:
What kind of problems do couples deal with in therapy?
Communication: This can take the form of too much hostility, anger or conflict, or conversely, silence, depressive feelings, withdrawal, hopelessness or deadness between the two of you. Problems in communication frequently are connected to sexual difficulties as well.
Extramarital Affairs: The discovery of an affair can be a shocking and shattering experience. However, contrary to what you may have thought, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your marriage. Unfortunately, without therapy, many couples that stay together after an affair never really deal with all of the issues involved. This can result in a feeling of disconnection between the two of you. Marriage counseling can help you and your partner process the traumatic aftermath of the revelation, as well as develop a deep understanding of why the affair has occurred and what kinds of changes are needed to build a more secure and enlivening connection. Going through the therapy process can help create a new and long-lasting bond.
Commitment: Taking the next step, whether it be monogamy, cohabitation, marriage, or starting a family, can bring up new concerns and issues. The two of you might need to explore expectations, fears and hopes about your life together that may not be fully conscious.
Discussions about hopes for your future, personal values, childrearing, lifestyle preferences, finances, extended family involvement, or boundaries around and within the relationship can help build a solid foundation for your new life together. Cultural or political differences may be also be important to address.
If you are choosing to break your commitment by separation or divorce, you may need assistance navigating this loss, processing unresolved feelings and thinking about how you may or may not be connected going forward.
Diversity: Racial, ethnic, cultural and religious differences may lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. The source of these difficulties may be within your relationship, and/or from family, friends, coworkers and societal pressures. You may need assistance working this out together.
Reenacting Old Patterns: Perhaps you find that you are behaving toward each other in the same way that you related to your parents during childhood. Or, you may find yourself replicating dysfunctional aspects of your parent’’s relationship with each other. This includes difficulties that survivors of child abuse and/or neglect, as well as adult children of substance abusers, bring to relationships.
Trauma: Many types of trauma can affect couples, such as assault, rape, death, accidents, robbery, suicide (or attempted suicide), illness, disability, affairs, and other types of betrayal. You may need assistance dealing with a current trauma, or with a trauma that occurred in the past.
How does couples therapy compare to individual therapy?
Safety: Many couples never come to therapy precisely because they fear that opening things up would worsen the situation, or even destroy the relationship. They realize that they may want to say things to each other that they have been afraid to say for years, or one or both may fear that they will be ganged up on and blamed for everything. I am aware of the anxieties created by seeking help, and therefore encourage a slow pace that honors the delicacy of the situation. As we move forward in understanding your couple’s dynamics, it will becomes apparent that no one person is to blame.
Roles: While each of you will spend time speaking directly with me, particularly at the beginning of therapy, increasingly the time will be spent with the two of you talking to each other. During this time I will assist and support you with suggestions and observations. The three of us will collaborate in generating new understanding and behavior.
What are the goals of couple therapy?
Every couple is different, but in general, I strive to help you bring back the connectedness, loving kindness and passion that you once had, and to build and strengthen a sense of team work on which the both of you can rely to meet life’s challenges together.
How would we get started?
A consultation, consisting of one or more sessions, can assist you in determining whether therapy might be useful for you and if we feel like a good fit. We will explore your present situation and needs as well as questions and concerns that you may have about therapy. We will come to understand if it would be appropriate for you to enter therapy at this time, and whether we want to move forward together.
What would be the commitment?
Participating in therapy involves making a commitment to attend weekly 50 minute sessions. (Some clients opt for more frequent sessions). There is no particular number of sessions you must commit to, however, it is important to recognize that change that is deep and significant takes time. My rates are reasonable and will be discussed in the initial contact.
What is an MFT?
The MFT, or Marriage and Family Therapist, is the license issued by the Board of Behavioral Science of the State of California to therapists who have passed a Master’s degree in Clinical or Counseling Psychology, who have passed both written and oral examinations administered by the Board, and who have completed 3,000 hours of supervised clinical experience. License renewal requires 36 hours of continuing education every two years. The license allows the MFT to refer to themselves as a psychotherapist and provide therapy to individuals, couples, families and children.
Where are you located and how do I contact you?
My office is in Walnut Creek, California for in person sessions. I also able able to conduct remote therapy for anyone living in California. If you are thinking about starting therapy, please feel free to call or email to discuss this further. You can leave a voicemail at (925) 948-0562. I will call you back shortly. (Please note this phone number does not accept texts). You may also email me at therapy@susanberger.net